


didn't know i was lost (wake me up)

by Valier



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, First Kiss, Fix-It, Love Confessions, M/M, this turned out a lot more sappy than i expected
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 20:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3088808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valier/pseuds/Valier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Bilbo swallowed nervously as the throne room door creaked shut behind him. He wished they were all still there to make the next few minutes easier on him, but now that they weren’t he was still going to attempt to deal with it like a sensible, adult hobbit.</p><p>   By that he meant he was going to have an internal breakdown over his misfortune, all the while outwardly feigning indifference and total composure."</p><p>or, Bilbo goes back to Erebor ten years later and comes face to face with Thorin, who he may or may not have ever gotten over his crush on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	didn't know i was lost (wake me up)

**Author's Note:**

> this is actually an extract from a longer, and unlikely to ever be completed fic where bilbo goes back to erebor ten years after the battle. thorin, fili and kili are all fine, but it also diverges from canon in that thorin never got to apologise to bilbo for his behaviour during the gold sickness because our little burglar retreats to go back home when the elves leave, without saying goodbye to anyone. this is extra sad for both of them because they're both crushing on each other so bad it's painful (and canon like i'm not saying botfa made thilbo canon but botfa made thilbo canon). he finds himself back because one of the dwarves (bofur in my mind, but you can imagine anyone for this) decided to write to him and try and pick up lost contact.
> 
> i also kind of ignored timelines so that during the ten years he spends back in the shire, frodo comes under bilbo's care because i adore child!frodo and there are nowhere near enough fics that involve him. maybe i'll try and finish the big fic just for that :D

  Bilbo swallowed nervously as the throne room door creaked shut behind him. Fili and Kili had always been a little _too good_ at sensing the atmosphere of a room, and so had taken the opportunity to whisk little Frodo away on a tour of Erebor when they realised the tension was thick enough to be cut with a knife. Bilbo wished they were all still there to make the next few minutes easier on him, but now that they weren’t he was still going to attempt to deal with it like a sensible, adult hobbit.

 

  By that he meant he was going to have an internal breakdown over his misfortune, all the while outwardly feigning indifference and total composure.

 

  At the opposite end of the long room sat Thorin, son of Thrain, King Under the Mountain on a large stone throne, engraved with elaborate and sharp patterns. The Arkenstone was embedded at the top, the ultimate symbol of nobility and victory over one’s demons, as proven by him not being ridden with gold sickness underneath it. Bilbo’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of the dwarf looking healthy and regal in his furs and jewels. His sharp blue eyes bore into Bilbo’s, and the hobbit pointedly averted them out of embarrassment. This was not the dwarf Bilbo had last seen when he had banished him from his sight for stealing the Arkenstone, revoking their friendship and crushing the hobbit’s dreams of more between them.

 

  He cleared his throat, wincing afterwards when he realised he had emphasised the silence between them. After ten long years of imagining and rehearsing what he would say to Thorin if he ever got this opportunity, and he suddenly found himself lost for words. In that moment, Bilbo would have been quite happy for Smaug to burst back into the mountain and drown him in flames, if it saved him from Thorin’s unreadable glare.

 

  “Come here, hobbit.” Bilbo blanched as he looked up at Thorin - his icy eyes were still fixed onto his own. “Would you come into my kingdom and not pay your respects to the king?”

 

  Bilbo couldn’t think, couldn’t see any trace of emotion betrayed on Thorin’s face. He stammered his apologies, beginning to slowly walk towards the throne. What did Thorin want of him? To vent his anger over Bilbo’s abandonment? To force the hobbit to his knees and extract a heartfelt apology from him? To formally banish him and all his relatives from Erebor for as long as the line of Durin continued?

 

  “Would you let yourself be shown around the mountain and given rooms to stay in, before meeting and thanking the king for his hospitality?” Bilbo’s heart pounded in his chest and his palms began to sweat. He swallowed nervously and blinked hard as he realised he had been walking quicker than he thought - or had the room gotten smaller since he arrived? He took the last few, tentative steps towards the raised steps that the throne sat atop of, his eyes stricken to the floor as he became awfully aware of how close he was to Thorin. He almost missed the king’s last, whispered words over the shuffling of his feet. “Would you come all this way and not greet an old friend?”

 

  Bilbo looked up in shock at the words, not entirely sure if he was actually hearing them or just dreaming. He closed his agape mouth at the sight of Thorin, his once harsh eyes now tragically sad. The hobbit sputtered a little, again lost for words because of the whole scenario. He couldn’t believe it: _old friend_. Did Thorin still consider him as such, after what he had done all those years ago?

 

  “Thorin…” he began, voice shaking and quiet. “I-I, erm… I didn’t think you’d still think of me in such high regards after everything that happened. I mean, I _did_ steal your prized possession and give it to the elves and then run away without saying goodbye after the battle.” Bilbo gave a little shaky laugh, casting his eyes quickly upwards only to see Thorin looking at him with confusion. He quickly cleared his throat and continued seriously, his attempt to lighten the mood having failed miserably. “I only intended to be here a few days and I didn’t want to disturb you.”

 

  “You thought _what?_ That I…?” the king looked bemused, shaking his head and letting a small smile grace his lips. “Master Burglar, I have not once in these ten long years thought of you badly. You saved me at a time when I would surely have driven myself and my people to destruction otherwise.”

 

  It was now Bilbo’s turn to look surprised, his heart skipping a few beats at Thorin’s words. He remained silent, allowing him to continue with hope blooming inside him.

 

  “I acted unfairly at the time, and it was purely out of anger. The gold sickness had gripped me just as badly as it had my grandfather, and it blinded me with too much greed and rage to see that. In my search for the Arkenstone, I was willing to sacrifice everything, from my kingdom to my life, and worst of all, the lives of my companions. I fear what would have become of me if I had been the one to find it. By you happening upon it and taking it for others to use against me, you made me see what I had become. I managed to regain myself because of your bravery and your loyalty, however odd that may sound.” Bilbo could hardly believe what he was hearing. He didn’t want to think about how red his face probably was. “I couldn’t place exactly what I felt when Gandalf told me you had left with the Elves to return home: something between shame and despair. Knowing that I had said such cruel things to you, driven you away in fury when I should have had you there to reward. So that is what I must do now. Thank you, Bilbo Baggins. Thank you for saving my life, thank you for saving my kingdom. Thank you for saving _me_ when I was lost.”

 

  The hobbit coughed and wiped his cheeks, suddenly aware of the tears he had shed. Now standing across from him, risen from his throne, Thorin also had tears in his eyes. They both smiled and laughed a little, hands brushing from their closeness.

 

  “Gosh, I… I don’t really know what to say. I never expected that I did anything as important as that.” Bilbo shook his head a little in disbelief. “I thought I was just the cowardly burglar who cared too much for his friends and too little for what would happen to himself…”

 

  “That’s what makes you special, Bilbo. Special to everyone - and to me.” the hobbit startled as the dwarf took his hand in his. He could feel the warmth of his skin contrasting to the cool metal of his rings. “I had hoped for years that one day you would return so I could say this to you… I was never able to tell you before you left.”

 

  Unfortunately, Bilbo was not completely oblivious to the direction this conversation was going. He had no idea how to feel. This was the dwarf he had fallen in love with all those years ago, and if he was being honest, had never gotten over. How many times had he imagined what was happening now? Knowing that Thorin had felt the same way all this time did nothing to help matters, only serving to set his heart aflutter even more.

 

  But could he let Thorin say this? Could he let himself reciprocate? As king, Thorin was expected to take a female consort and produce heirs of his own, not rely on his nephews to continue the line. Plus, he had to think about Frodo - he was in Bilbo’s care now, and after everything he had already been through he wanted to give the boy as normal a life as possible.

 

  “I love you, Bilbo Baggins. I have for a long time, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. You mean so much to me that I can’t possibly hope to express it.”

 

  Bilbo’s breath caught in his throat. How long he had hoped to hear him say that… He smiled brightly at the nervous dwarf and squeezed his hands. All his earlier doubts were gone, banished from his mind the moment Thorin began to speak, looking at him with eyes full of care and admiration. Bilbo had lived too long to continue being near-wholly unsatisfied with his life - if Thorin felt the same, then why deny them both the happiness they both desperately wanted?

 

  “Thorin, I love you too,” the words poured out, tasting foreign yet perfectly _right_ on his tongue. “When you were overcome with the sickness, I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you. When the battle ended and I heard that you were injured, I couldn’t bear to leave until they told me that you would survive. I’ve lived these past ten years content knowing that even if you didn’t consider me a friend, let alone… _love me,_ then at least you were safe. But now, knowing what I do… I can’t lose you again.”

 

  “And you won’t lose me again. You are far more precious to me than any jewel, Bilbo: I will ensure we’re together for the rest of our lives.” they shared one last smile as they both leaned in, eyes slipping shut when their lips met. Bilbo had never imagined that he could feel happier than right at that moment - the kiss was short and sweet, promising of more to come. They both chuckled as they rested their foreheads together after parting, giddy with the joy of being reunited at long last, with no plans to separate.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! please feel free to leave critique - this is the first thing i've completed in just over a year, and it still feels rusty and repetitive to me, so i'd love to know what you guys think!
> 
> tumblr - lothelorien


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